if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
