Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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