so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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