I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
