What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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