Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
