I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
