i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
