Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize