Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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