This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
false alarm, still single
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