theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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