i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
