If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
