I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
