My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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