why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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