If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize