I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
did i just pee glitter
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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