Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
