I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
