your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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