my mouth tastes like poor choices
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
