Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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