dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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