I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
