We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
