do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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