Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
