Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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