we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
