A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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