can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize