Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
