It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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