pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
