what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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