I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
