that's an acceptable place to lick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
