Im at strip club and am horny
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
