Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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