WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize