Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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