Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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