Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
