dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
