Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
