I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
