Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
