we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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