Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
