Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
