She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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