You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
