I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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