This girl is more easily done than said...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
