I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
