I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
