I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
