he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
