they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
