Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
