So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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