update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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