I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
