He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize