i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
