I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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