Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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